Introspection and the Plunge
Have you been re-directed here from my video? Then you probably are my Facebook friend and you know the context and can skip the next paragraph. (This is an effort to shorten your read, life has become fast these days - the longer the blog, the longer the frown. No?)
Some context first: This one’s about me letting go of a relatively secure career to explore a field I’m interested in. Nope, there’s no ‘follow your passion’ speech lined up here. It’d probably be a nice way to get the reader hooked, but sigh.. I’m just starting out and I don’t think I'm qualified yet to make that speech. But this was a tough decision, one that came with its truck load of fears and uncertainties. And post endless bouts of back and forths, I’ve made my plunge. Here’s the story!
I’ve been with the corporates for 6+ years and have seen a decent amount of success. On weekends (and on the odd weekday) I’ve also been chasing music and have had a few decent runs. Life was good and looked promising ( I request my ex-boss to step in here and inbox me if I’ve got the ‘promising’ part wrong). (Also, if this were a talk, now is when I’d play the video. Slow motion drama and all)
Balancing work and music is fun, alright. There are the perks. The future’s (relatively) safe. The income’s steady. The corporate milestones are pretty satisfying. The ‘busy’ness keeps boredom and monotony at bay.. (Here’s me proudly managing work from the stage).
Then why the drama, you might ask. In managing multiple boats - I ran the risk of, you know, ending up just ‘managing’ them. I could pick one front to excel and let mediocrity loom large on the other. I could alternatively push myself to excel on all fronts (risking the inevitable burnout). I mean, to continue being great at both, I'd have to put in, probably, a 130%(a random number, but any thing greater than a 100% should work). And given my NON super human abilities, doing so, on both fronts, week on week, didn't seem very sustainable in the long run. Wouldn’t it be better to focus all my energies on one area and make that one area so much more stronger? Especially when feeling a definite pull towards it? I eventually made my choice.
It took some time to prepare for this step of course. I had to go through the grind of ensuring my finances are planned for, of setting up fall back options incase I’d ever need them and (the toughest of all) - of being sure, of overcoming those fears and countering the countless ‘what ifs’. Dealing with that last bit took longer than I expected. I’ve dealt it with it though and I’m fairly certain now.
I’ll broadly categorise my reasons as threefold:
Logical: If not now, when?(The human clock’s ticking + no immediate responsibilities to take care of + fall back options available + I want to do it) On a side note, I’m trying to decide if having back-up career options is good ‘cos it takes away a bit of that ‘fear of failure’ which is sometimes necessary to keep you on your toes.Hmm, I anyway have numerous other ‘what if’ scenarios to worry about and I’ll try and channel them to keep complacency at bay.
Aspirational/Spiritual(and not necessarily delusional): A desire to be impactful. We’ve all been given some talents. Yea, I’ve been able to use mine, a bit, at work and through music. But I feel there’s scope for more. During this hiatus, I hope the One above will be kind enough to lead me towards that area where I can be most impactful.
Interest: A simple desire to get better at some of the things I love. Doesn’t it bug you when you can’t spend enough time doing things you love?
What’s next?
Let’s see. My foot’s grounded, I don't have(m)any rockstar dreams as such. I’ll spend time improving my talents on the music and media front. I’ll invest more time developing my spiritual side. Definitely there’s a lot of soul searching and re-discovery on the road ahead :)
My ex-boss would probably call this next section ‘Gyan baatna’, lol.
Ahem, folks facing such mind numbing dilemmas, there are a countless articles on the net for you, written by people way more experienced than I am, but let me put out a few approaches that I found interesting(in the odd chance that it'll be of help to someone someday).
Assuming the practicalities surroundings one’s immediate circumstances have been considered:
‘Approach’ 1 would be Alan Watts’ Speech (Click here to give it a listen). Simply put: What is it that you like doing, what is it that makes you itch ? Don’t worry about the money - If you spend considerable time doing what you like, you will eventually get good at it. People will find you and pay for what you do. And you’ll be happy doing so.
Approach 2 is slightly different, let me call it the concept of 80,000 Hours : Aren’t we all chasing satisfaction and contentment(in some form, broadly speaking)? More than money, to some, this comes through being able to help others or by being able to contribute to society. So find that area where you can be most impactful and… and get passionate about it! Build your skills accordingly and see yourself excelling and creating an impact!(80,000 Hours is the number of hours spent working during one’s lifetime - give or take. It is also the name of Benjamin Todd’s company - You can find his TED talk explaining this concept here.)
Approach 3: Is very different. Divine inspiration/calling: I definitely lost you now, sigh… Well, Mr Modern Rational Thinking Human Being - don’t discount this point. There’s so much in the world that can’t be explained through science and logic. I think it’s okay to dedicate some of our time searching out the Unseen. I certainly would want to invest in Things that are Eternal and not temporal boosts to vanity. This approach also involves surrender and a lot of trust. More on this later( as I learn!).
There’s so much for me to write, but I’ll stop here. Thank you for taking the time to read this. Those of you who have already taken such risks, I would love to hear from you and learn from your experiences. For those of you who are just stepping out, I hope this encourages you to stretch your limits, and I hope you (and me) are able to find what we are looking for and lead purpose driven lives.
Signing off, walking away from the life that I’ve known for so long… Holding my guitar, crossing the street against the glare of the oncoming traffic, with Teja holding his camera on the other side, hoping to God he doesn't have to re-shoot this.
